It’s normal for your best friend to act like that, although I can understand that it’s frustrating and not fair to you. I think it’s best to let her hang out with him at the moment, instead of fighting for her time and attention. Getting a first boyfriend always feels like the biggest thing in the world, and the last thing you want to do is make her feel like you’re not supportive or that you’re jealous. Once the initial excitement is over, it’s likely that your friendship will start to get back to normal. If she continues to choose him over you, then tell her how you feel (but try not to be aggressive or angry). She’s your best friend, and so she should understand your point of view when you guys talk it through.
Based on the way you described your situation, it sounds to me like you already know in your heart what to do. I know it’s tempting to continue on with your ex, because it feels like things are now working even though it failed the first time around. But you know deep down that it’s a dead-end, and keeping up this physical relationship isn’t going to do anything for you. Leaving is the hardest part, but you’ve done it before, and you can do it again. If there’s nothing there, then you deserve better.
I feel like you want to give things a go with your crush, but you’re scared that you’ll be making a bad decision. In my humble opinion, I think you should go for it. The fact that your friend confessed to you, shows that they feel strongly enough about you that they’re willing to put themselves out there. Don’t be afraid to feel the same way! :)
I personally think you should go for it! The way you’re feeling is perfectly normal and understandable. I know it’s difficult to let your ex go, but it’d really help you to move on if you let yourself try again with someone new. And like you said, you’ve only had one date so far. There’s no harm in seeing where it could go. As long as this new relationship is moving at a pace that both of you are comfortable with, then I don’t think either of you are going to get hurt.
Good luck, I hope it works out!
It’ll be hard, but you have to just stop thinking about him. Most of all, don’t let yourself see things as better than they actually were. Even though it hurts, at least he told you the truth about how he felt. That way, you can move on. Try not to feel like you missed out on living your life with this guy, because chances are that he never would’ve fulfilled all of those big promises. Try to keep your chin up, and know that true love will find you one day.
The only person who knows how you really feel is yourself. Your friends are probably just trying to look out for you, but at the same time, they’re not in any position to judge you or tell you what to do. In my personal opinion, an unhappy relationship of eight months is not something that you should lose sleep over. It doesn’t sound like you’re moving on too quickly at all. The important thing is that you’ve found someone who makes you happy! Don’t let doubts or overthinking make you second-guess what you have now :)
The way you’re feeling is understandable. I think you’re mostly worried because he’s so comfortable around another girl, and this girl has amazing qualities (I assuming she does, otherwise the three of you wouldn’t be best friends). However, one thing’s for sure: overthinking never makes anything better. Don’t let your doubts and insecurities change the way you act around your best friend. Just keep being who you are, because that’s the person he wanted to know in the first place, and that’s the person he’s best friends with now. If you want to test the waters and see if he likes you back, you can try being a little flirtier — a playful slap on the arm, holding eye contact for a little longer when you smile, etc. The way he responds should give you a pretty good indicator of where things stand.
Good luck, anon! I hope to hear back from you and see that things’ve worked out.
I think it’s more than possible! Just because you’ve never seen each other in person, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a connection between you two. But a word of caution: be careful not to build up an idea of that person in your head, because they could turn out to be different (not necessarily in a bad way, but different nonetheless).
I understand that you’re worried, but I think you should give him the freedom to handle it, since he has actually offered to sort things out with his friend. In a relationship, you need to trust the person you’re giving your heart to, so in this situation, trust that the guy you like will find a solution that’s best for all three of you. If he doesn’t end up committing to you out of respect for his friend, I still think your friendship with him will be fine. By the sound of it, he’s a pretty stand-up guy and he seems to care about you a lot. That being said, I believe you’ll have no trouble getting along with him whether or not you two end up in a relationship. Good luck, I hope things work out!
Personally, I’d say that all the effort isn’t wasted. Just because something doesn’t work out, doesn’t mean that you never should have tried. In this life, we’ll experience lots of pain and heartbreak — all of us will, it’s a fact. We can’t really control what happens to us, but what we can control is how we react and feel. In my opinion, you only lose if you give up, if you stop trying. There’s so much more to live for and so much more to learn, and stopping yourself from embracing life again is just about one of the worst choices you could ever make.
For me personally, I overlooked all the reasons we wouldn’t work and I made up excuses whenever he let me down. I did everything to convince myself that all the wrongs didn’t matter, but even then, I knew deep down that it wasn’t real. So in response to your question: I think if it isn’t real, you’ll just know, no matter what you want so much to believe.
I don’t think it’s unhealthy, as long as you don’t change yourself to be what you think they want. You could try being more outgoing or try activities they like so you have something in common, but don’t do anything outside of your comfort zone.
The way I see it, this guy’s not being fair to you nor his fiancée. It seems like the only person who’s winning in this situation is him, since he has two women who love him. I’m not saying he’s a bad person. It’s very possible that he can’t make up his mind and is just as confused as you are. But my personal opinion is that you really do have to give him an ultimatum. This arrangement can’t go on forever, and you’re clearly torn up about it. I would suggest talking it through with him, but also remember to take his fiancée’s feelings into consideration. This is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, and you have to truly think about whether you feel the same way about him. Do you feel strongly enough to be alright with breaking them up, if it comes to that?
I think it’s perfectly normal to always feel something for an ex. Very rarely do you ever hear about people being able to move on completely, no matter how well the break-up went. We always have memories of how happy that person made us at the time, and it’s honestly okay to look back and smile. You don’t have to forget.
At the same time, focus on your current relationship. This is the guy you’re with now, so make new memories with him and just enjoy the love :)
First of all, I’m sorry that you have to go through something like that. I know exactly how you feel. In situations like this, I think there are pretty much only two main options. One, you could try to move on and let time change the way you feel (which seems impossible, but it really does happen). Or two, you could stay and continue to love her even though she doesn’t feel the same way.
When you love someone, they make your life better, even if they don’t love you back the way you wish they would. So even though the choice is yours at the end of the day, I would suggest not giving up on her, because that would be like giving up on a large part of yourself. Regardless of whether her relationship with that other guy works out or not, I think you should stay. It’s too hard to find good people these days, so if you could be that person for her, that safe place for her to hide if things go wrong, then don’t give up.
I think it’s more than possible, because they know so much about each other and have probably been through a lot together. Speaking from personal experience, I don’t think there’s anything in particular to ‘do’ to move out of the friendship zone. For me, it was more like something just clicked one day and I saw that person differently. And perhaps that’s what needs to happen in both people — a realization that it’s rare to find someone who knows you so well, someone who understands you, someone who makes you feel complete.